Good job, little farter. You jump, I fart…problem solved.

Jumpfarting does not cease to be funny, and yet not everyone appreciates a good jump fart. Be careful around the holidays with where and when you jumpfart. The relative who hasn’t seen you all year does not want to smell you while they pinch your cheeks…although a “cheek-pinching fart” might help remove any unwanted attention.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Door-hang Farts are fairly self-explanatory. While leaping up into a normal jumpfart, grab a doorway or entrance way by the trim and hang while the fart releases. This can be quite tricky, but once mastered, the possibilities are endless. Hang from monkey bars, rafters, or even the basketball hoop (that would be a slam dunk)!

You might not think it possible, but after a satisfying bowel movement there can still be air trapped on the other side. To be an after-poopy Fart, the fart must come within an hour following deposition, and must smell less like a gassy fart and much more like real fecal matter.

The most common after-poopy fart trait is a deep, loud motor-like rumble and an actual poop smell. One word of caution though: if there is any question that you haven’t finished removing all fecal matter from your system do not push out an after-poopy fart; you might not be finished!

After-poopy farts feel great and smell horrible. Although, staining is not a common after-poopy fart issue, it is still best to avoid jumpfarting until a good amount of gas is back in the system.

Poopy farts have less air flow and volume, but can cause a larger odor. This is not a fart to be tried in jumpfart form as it is just too close to the brink.

A poopy fart is a warning that you should find access to a toilet within a short amount of time. Failure to acknowledge this warning could cause stomach pain or a panic run to find a bathroom.

Note: If someone you are close too farts and it smells like actual poop, politely ask, “Did you poopy fart?” and if they say yes, be a gentleman (or lady) and keep the bathroom free for them for the next half hour or so.