Definition: Poopy Farts

A poopy fart is one that comes very close to the time of fecal matter deposition. It often smells just like poop and can make others worry that you have made a mistake.

Poopy farts have less air flow and volume, but can cause a larger odor. This is not a fart to be tried in jumpfart form as it is just too close to the brink.

A poopy fart is a warning that you should find access to a toilet within a short amount of time. Failure to acknowledge this warning could cause stomach pain or a panic run to find a bathroom.

Note: If someone you are close too farts and it smells like actual poop, politely ask, “Did you poopy fart?” and if they say yes, be a gentleman (or lady) and keep the bathroom free for them for the next half hour or so.

Definition: Walking Farts

A walking fart can be anywhere from almost unavoidable to strategically on purpose. As you are walking, each step produces a fart with a break between each step.

Now, to be an actual walking fart you must take at least three steps with three farts separated by the steps. If you can walk four or five steps, that is a superbly successful walking fart.

Walking farts are a great way to diffuse the fart into smaller amounts while simultaneously walking away from the smell. In a store this can alleviate another customer finding out who the culprit was and you will feel better from the release.

Definition: Jumpfarts

Few have mastered the art of Jumpfarting: leaping gracefully into the air and releasing gas at the precise moment of optimum height and then landing neatly back to ground.

The trick is to time the fart exactly right so that you do not pre-release or release too late. Also, caution must be used lest you over-fart, leading to a streak or stain of the underwear.

Jumpfarting sounds easy, but please practice before showing this trick to any of your friends. Build confidence by practicing until you are comfortable that you won’t misfire.

photo courtesy of gavdana